Children?

Small. Fragile. Loving. Life. Everything.

They are everything. She was everything for her parents. They were so happy with her and with him, the brother and sister, the son and daughter.

How he cried. How he wept for the loss of something they never had. He wept for something he felt he took away from her. Something she was never sure she wanted. So how could something she was not sure she ever wanted be taken away from her? Apparently he felt he has denied her of some great right in life as a woman.

Seeing him cry the way he did tore her heart to pieces. Of course she managed to lift his spirits, but what about her own? She felt awful. So terrible for him. Little did she know that he wanted something so badly, so completely. Granted, children would not come for many, many years, but that was not the point he was making to her. Because of his recent decisions he took away their option of ever having a family.

No, he had not. The orphanage was filled with children of all ages that were merely waiting for the day a couple would come to take them home and raise them as their own. No, he had ended their family lines. No longer would his and her genes be carried on. There would be no little red haired or blond child following closely at their heels. Instead the little one may have brown or Ebony colored hair. He or she would look nothing like either of them. Would others notice? What would they say?

He does not deserve to have a child? A death knight deserves no love in his life, especially not that of a child. A love so pure and unconditional. They would speak in whispers to one another, in darkened corners, within distance for him to hear. Then to know of an adoption? It was just salt in an already deep wound. It would serve him right.

Still, many had no idea of his ‘change’. She told no one, but she still loved him. Was she hiding it? No. They simply had to ask her and she would tell. She would never be ashamed of her husband. But she knew in her heart that he was ashamed of himself. Ashamed of what he had done, even if it were not by his will. Ashamed of what he had become. Ashamed to call himself anything, but trash. And now to realize that something he held to precious has been taken away from him, it is a miracle that he still lives with himself. So much turmoil and inner strife.

Ah… a child… a small baby. The thought made her smile. Her mother would finally have a grandchild to coddle and fawn over. A boy named after her brother. A girl named for her father, of course the name would be feminine. Blonde or crimson locks? Green or blue eyes? Perhaps they would be brown, or a hazel. So many possibilities. Such thoughts were always so far away from her mind. She never stopped to think of them. Now it was all taken away from her.

…What if?

There is a way. She would speak with Jeryth. He would always offer advice to her. She only wondered if he would speak with her. Kam had to try though. Perhaps, he would bring some insight to this situation.

A foolish idea? It was possible. Worth the effort? Only time would tell.

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Lullaby

December 2, 2008

Kam lounged in her bed, Speedy tucked close at her side. She hummed quietly to herself as she toyed with a simple golden band. A withered rose laid in her lap, across her knees. Speedy looked up at her curiously through sleepy half-lidded eyes. She simply looked deep in thought as she examined the band over and over again.

Her humming grew into a soft song, with soft hushed words…

Just wait
How wide he may roam
Always a hero comes home
He goes where no man has gone
But always a hero comes home
He knows the places unknown
Always a hero comes home

Over the lyrics of her gentle song came the loud rapping of someone at her door. She stopped in her song and turned her head.

“Who is it?”

“Oye! I ‘ave a package fer a Miss Kamillia? She be livin’ ‘ere?”

Kam cocked her head to the side. Who would be sending her a package? She opened the door to the dwarven messenger, who then handed her a bouquet of pure white roses and an envelope. Kam tipped the messenger, with a few silver coins, for his trouble and took her items inside. Slowly, she opened the envelope after having set the flowers on the table near by. Her eyes began to mist as she read the words that were inked upon the page.

Suddenly she dropped the pages to the floor, and rushed from her house, hardly having enough time to close the door.

The end of the beginning…

December 1, 2008

She walked away, barely able to see her own steps. Her eyes filled with tears, swollen from her emotion. Kam never looked back, not once. She walked away from him just as he had done to her. It wasn’t a form of revenge, nor a matter of his own medicine. She hated letting him see her cry, but there was no other way for her to show him how upset she was.

Kam was a strong woman, always able to set aside her upset feelings and hide them others. She was always taught to be strong. To never show weakness. Dredin was her one weakness. He was the only thing in this world that could bring her to her knees. And he did just that… several times, and each time she forgave him and welcomed him back to her with open arms. This time, however, was different. He had brought her to the brink of sorrow and despair. Never in her life had she felt the way he had made her feel. So alone, so lost, empty and void.

“I love you… I need you… I want you back. Please, Kamillia… Know how sorry I am for what I did to you…”

His words continued to ring in her ears. She knew he was truly sorry for what he had done to her, what he put her through. Did he love her? Truly? Or was it guilt that drove that emotion and those words? Those were questions that plagued her mind this night. Her emotions ran wild, washing over her like a violent sea in a vicious storm. Kam was tossed every which way and did her best to keep her head above the wake. A false move and she would drown.

***

After what seemed hours, she finally returned to her home. She had not been there since the night he left. And poor Speedy, he greeted Kam happily, wagging his little nub of a tail much like a dog would do. Kam smiled down at the little turtle and scooped him up into her arms. He was always a constant in her life. Always so carefree and happy, as long as you fed him. Kam hadn’t realized how much she missed him until she held him again. Speedy always brought a smile to her face, no matter what. Kam set him down on the bed, and walked upstairs. Speedy was soon to follow being he was a nosey turtle he was.

Kam made her way to the balcony. There she could see all their nights, the cozy nights of their times there. The house was warm and it smelled like him. All the countless nights they sat up until the early morning hours talking. She simply sighed, resting against the door frame. What would she do now? All that time chasing him… he returns. She only could wonder if he would simply walk away again. Her heart could not bear it a second time. It pained her to even think of it happening again.

Pulled and pulled in different directions, her heart and mind battling over logic. Would she? Could she? Should she? Such things swam and swam in her mind and heart. The words of her friends. ‘Stop chasing him…’ She had stopped, and he returned of his own accord. Her heart had sank to her feet when she saw the letter from him in her mailbox. So shaky her hands were, she could barely write her own message to him. So hastily she wrote the words and shoved it back into the mailbox.

Now, her mind returned to the sun rise… the very first time she met him. She watched the sun rise with him. Kam could never forget that day even if she tried. That was how they first met. The question was… would that be the last for them? Only time would tell now.