November 15, 2010

Anger. It resides in all of us. Some are better able to restrain this feeling than others. We are taught to with hold that feeling. Never to embrace it. Anger only led to self destruction and pain. Instead, we are taught to show compassion. To love all of the races, even those who might wish harm upon us. We are the beacons of hope and Light for our people. We are the cornerstone. The ones who are brave even when faced with death.

Yet, even with all of our training and the nagging voices of our mentors in our minds, the feelings that are forbidden still find a way to creep into our hearts. It begins slowly. A warming sensation in the center of our beings. It is easy enough to ignore when the flame is so dim. But as time goes on, this flame begins to grow. It begins to consume you. No longer so easy to ignore. The feeling burns hot all around you, under your skin. Soon, the hate, the anger, the frustration is all you are able to feel. All you are able to think of. All that you have worked to over come is now the only part of you that others can see. No longer the symbol of strength and devotion.

Is this what I have become? A shell of my former self? Upon looking into a mirror I hardly recognize my own reflection. I have changed so much. I fear that I will no longer be the same. I will no longer be a bastion of Light, a Knight for my people. I am a citizen. A citizen of the city. A citizen with a life that is no longer hers.


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