The Iron Horde

October 26, 2014

It has begun.

When we thought the world had come into a time of peace. The dream is shattered.

For two years I lay away from the battle field, tired of the relentless fighting, but now it is my time to once again walk upon the blood stained ground under fallen allies and foes.

The Portal has been opened. The past rearranged. The Iron Horde threatens to devour our world, and I will not stand for it. We, the people of Azeroth, will not stand for it. We will defend our home until our dying breath.

The former warlord of the Horde will not prevail. He will try, and he will fall. His reign of terror will end.

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August 30th

August 31, 2011

Many months have passed since The Destroyer came through our city, demolishing nearly half of it in his wake. We hardly slept for weeks afterwards. To this day, nothing has been the same. Over the city seems to hang a cloud of despair. One that looms heavily over every one of the citizens. It weighs heavily on each of our hearts.

Though even in these very dark and dismal times seems to shine a ray of hope for better days to come. In the darkness there is always light. I have found my own light.

He gives me hope. He brings me peace. A single shining light in what I thought would always be a grey world for me.

I had given up hope that such things were possible for me. My past experiences with… love… Well, the earlier entries of this journal speak enough of those trials. But, I had given up hope. I was content to continue my work with the Order. I had even briefly considered retirement, but I knew I would never be happy unless I was still involved. I could have lived a mediocre existence with out love. It was not something I was particularly striving to find. During that time, it found me.

Older and wiser. He has seen much in his day. His grey-blue eyes tell the stories of his life, but he does that well enough on his own. How I enjoy hearing him recall the days of his youth over morning tea. We sit each morning together speaking of our pasts, our present endeavors, and what may lie ahead for us in the future. We are hardly with out things to speak of. Life has become so pleasant since he has entered it. I believe he feels the same.

I have found happiness. I pray it does not slip through my fingers as it has before.

Anger

November 15, 2010

Anger. It resides in all of us. Some are better able to restrain this feeling than others. We are taught to with hold that feeling. Never to embrace it. Anger only led to self destruction and pain. Instead, we are taught to show compassion. To love all of the races, even those who might wish harm upon us. We are the beacons of hope and Light for our people. We are the cornerstone. The ones who are brave even when faced with death.

Yet, even with all of our training and the nagging voices of our mentors in our minds, the feelings that are forbidden still find a way to creep into our hearts. It begins slowly. A warming sensation in the center of our beings. It is easy enough to ignore when the flame is so dim. But as time goes on, this flame begins to grow. It begins to consume you. No longer so easy to ignore. The feeling burns hot all around you, under your skin. Soon, the hate, the anger, the frustration is all you are able to feel. All you are able to think of. All that you have worked to over come is now the only part of you that others can see. No longer the symbol of strength and devotion.

Is this what I have become? A shell of my former self? Upon looking into a mirror I hardly recognize my own reflection. I have changed so much. I fear that I will no longer be the same. I will no longer be a bastion of Light, a Knight for my people. I am a citizen. A citizen of the city. A citizen with a life that is no longer hers.

Stupid…

July 5, 2010

His hand brushed hers. Her fingers unknowingly curled outward to reach for his touch. The contact of his skin on hers made her shiver and bristle with a strange excitement. She hated how he always had that power over her. No matter how strong she attempted to be, he could always crumble her defenses. Her kneels would shake. Her breath would hasten, her heart pounding in her ears. She could only wonder if he knew the effect he had on her. When they were together he was the only one she saw.

His lips brushed delicately against hers. Such a teasing action. She thanked the gods for all her training for it was the only thing that held her together. She felt as though she would fall apart in front of him. How she wanted to return his light, loving affections, but thoughts brought her back to the reality of the situation. Thoughts of another and the past that still lingered in her heart.

She remembered the grief he had put her through. The rumors still buzzed in her ears. The sight of him in another one’s arms still seared into her memories. Looking at him, she could almost still see the slight framed priestess over his shoulder smiling at her with that wicked smile. That woman had lied to her and so had he. She battled with the thought of forgiveness for the past transgressions. They had taught her forgiveness in her training. All her life, the teachings of the Light were to show compassion to those who might trespass against you. To not seek divine retribution for those who had hurt you, but to offer humility. To forgive. She wondered if she could ever do such a thing.

His words blew across the back of her neck, the hairs on her skin standing up and causing her to nearly quake with a secret passion for this man. How he ignited her. She hoped that he could not see the torment he was putting her through. Every muscle in her body was tense from restraining herself. So easy it would be to give into her urges, to fall into his arms, to love him as she always wanted to. She knew that would be a terrible idea. There was too much that had been left unsaid, and too much that had been said. She knew too much and remembered more than she cared to. It was in these moments that she had secretly wished her memory never returned. Perhaps all of this might have been easier. To know this man as someone completely knew. To never have remembered the hurt and disappointment. Oh but his touch… the way his eyes sparkled as they looked at her. Gentle fingertips brushing away her ruddy locks from her emerald eyes. Watching his own deep brown pools travel over her features and along the outlines of her frame. She knew his thoughts from the windows of his eyes.

How stupid could I be. A simpleton could see that you are no good for me, but you are the only one I see.

A ghost from the past

July 1, 2010

She had not noticed him enter the quiet tavern. Her attention was far too focused on the dark-haired man standing near her and the conversations of her friends who were all gathered by the fireplace. It was turning out to be a lovely evening. Then suddenly everything changed.

As soon as Tamsyn said his name, Kamillia’s heart sank. That name had not been said in months. Months was not enough time. It was almost a year since he had disappeared from her life. Since he had disappeared from her thoughts and her heart. That was a lie. She never had completely pushed him away from her. There was still some part of him that lingered in her. That lingered in her heart and on her mind.

She met his quiet eyes. Those eyes that she had stared into so lovingly not so long ago. The eyes she looked into on their wedding day. The ring she still kept in a small jewelry box on her dresser, along with the necklace he had given her. The necklace that was given to her in Nagrand. All of that seemed so long ago now. But every past moment came back to her in a rush that was almost powerful enough to knock her over.

Out of the tavern she ran, nearly tripping over her feet as she passed the threshold. In the rain she sat and wept silently. Once again she would shed tears for this man. Kamillia was certain that her tears for him had dried up long ago, yet there they were once again. Behind her she heard footfalls of heavy boots. She thought it him, but it was only Reven. A kind man. He asked why she sat in the rain. What was she to say? Then a second set of heavy footsteps moved to stop next to him.

She did not have to turn to know who it was that now stood behind her. And like the great romances of books and stories, they stood in the rain together. He embraced her, and she allowed it. What would become of them now? So much time had passed, and so much had happened. He had returned from the dead, like a ghost to haunt her. A ghost of her past.

Him…

June 2, 2010

Recently my thoughts have taken me back to him.

The sound of his voice as he spoke softly to me. The ring of his laugh in my ears. How his scent would fill my home. The feel of his skin against mine. Gently sparkling eyes as they gazed back into mine. So deeply rooted was his love in that stare.  My heart would skip a beat each time he looked at me, even in passing glances. He never knew any of that. I never dared tell him. I kept my emotions for him locked away deep inside my heart. Now I wish I had told him. He will never know…

February 20th

February 20, 2010

It has been months since I last looked at this journal. Months since I even thought of it. Why I choose to write in it now? I cannot say. Perhaps I feel as though the pages of this book deserve such. What is a book if its pages are empty? What is the paper if it is not filled with words? They mean little when not given that which they are destined for.

Ah so much to say, and so little space. I could fill this entire book with all that has happened since the last time I wrote in it. So much has come to pass. So little has been gained, yet so much as been lost. Saying good-bye is never easy, especially when you are not ready in your heart.

Small stains dot the page to smear the ink

Goodnight… Travel well…

November 10, 2009

WoWScrnShot_111009_005325The unknown distance to the great beyond
Stares back at my grieving frame
To cast my shadow by the holy sun
My spirit moans with a sacred pain
And it’s quiet now
The universe is standing still

There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing we can do now
There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing we can do now

And all that stands between the souls release ?
This temporary flesh and bone
We know that it’s over now
I feel my faded mind begin to roam

Every time you fall
And every time you try
Every foolish dream
And every compromise
Every word you spoke
And everything you said
Everything you left me, rambles in my head

There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can do now
There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can do now

Up above the world so high

And everything you loved
And every time you try
Everybody’s watching
Everybody cry

Stay, don’t leave me
The stars can’t for your sign
Don’t signal now

And there’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can do now
There’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing we can do now

Goodnight, travel well
Goodnight, travel well

And there’s nothing I can say
There’s nothing I can do now

**Lyrics written by Brandon Flowers of The Killers**

Journal Entry 1

November 7, 2009

The nurses and my mentor suggested I begin keeping a new journal, assuming I was keeping one before. I may have been but cannot recall.

I’m a bit unsure of what I put in such a journal. They suggested keeping a list and detailed description of my dreams and any other slight memories that I think could be considered memories.

My dreams are strange, really. I always feel as though I am walking through a fog on some landscape that is no where that I recognize. I can never see anything around me clearly, but I see people. Not their faces, but their outlines. Silhouettes in the fog. I can hear them speaking, but I do not recognize the voices nor can I tell what they speak of. They walk past me as if they don’t see me standing in the mist that envelopes us all. I continue to wander about in the mist until I wake in my bed.

There’s really no way to explain such a dream. I can only imagine that it’s all some sort of mental metaphor for what hazy memories I still hold. Each day I find myself knowing and recognizing more and more. I even remembered a bit the other evening. I was walking with Van through the snowy landscape of Dun Morogh when he brought me to a clearing. He showed me a broken fragment from a beer Stein that was used during the Brewfest holiday festivities. I remembered there being booths there that sold cheese and where the small stage was set, but everything else in my memory was the same as my dreams; covered in a fog.

I wonder if the fog will ever clear from my mind. I am hopeful that it will. Each day I continue to search the house in hopes that I might find my lost journal and thus be able to learn more about my past.

My search for my adopted daughter also continues. None of the clerks seem to have any information on her whereabouts. If she is, as Van says, with someone else I only hope that they are caring for her well, and that she is happy where ever she is. Regardless, I have a duty to her and an obligation as a parent to find her. I will find her.

Sun-kissed Awakening

October 28, 2009

Leaning into the high back of the bench, she tilted her face upward towards the sky. The sun’s rays beat down on her face, returning to her features that signature sun-kissed glow that she always seemed to carry. Though while bedridden that glow seemed to fade to a pale shade. Her lips turned upward to smile upon feeling the warmth. With her free hand she brought the blanket that was wrapped about her legs up closer to her middle. It was seemingly a perfect day. The sun was at its brightest, the birds were all chirping, and it was warm for this time of year. It was fall afterall and so the air was beginning to cool. The chill was slight this day however, and Kamillia enjoyed every bit of warmth the fresh day had to offer.

Nearly a month has passed since her incident. Each day she was growing stronger and stronger. Walking more, eating well, the color returning to her face, and her brightness that was always her shining personality began to show as well but there was something hollow about her. Still she remained with out recollection of her life before that ill-fated day. She only knew her name because of the nurses and doctors who were there when she awoke from her deep dreamless sleep. Try as they might, she couldn’t recall a thing. It was as if her mind was made fresh and new again, a blank canvas. They decided to leave her be for now for fear that it could be too much too soon. In time, they thought, she would remember her past, and if she didn’t… well, perhaps that would be for the best.

On this day, Kam sat in the glorious sun to soak in the warmth and comfort of such an activity. They had given her a stack of papers to sort through, however. Perhaps one of these would bring back a spark of something. There on the bench in the middle of Dalaran, near the fountain, she sat and sorted through her mail. Some the envelopes were already opened. The ones that had been responded to by a clerk from the Cathedral. Under the stack of envelopes was a small box with a single simple linen cord tied about it, and a simple note. She read over the note and raises a brow. The message upon it made little sense to her. Why would someone be apologizing? With a shrug of her shoulders she pulled at the string to untie the knot. Within the small box was a single dried red rose. Not just a rose, but a Talandra’s Rose. The very same flower that was at her bedside that day. She’d grown very fond of the bloom and asked for it often. She smiled upon recognizing the flower, and would write to whom had sent it to her to thank them for the lovely gift.

The other letters and missives were just as baffling. No names looking or sounding any more familiar than her own strange name. Gathering all the papers and her blanket, she made her way slowly back to the infirmary. She would be incredibly busy with returning these letters and she best get started on them right away. She had missed far too much and she would not anymore time pass her by.